Where’s my woman?!

Content sourced from Anova:

Man sues over lack of ‘Lynx effect’

A luckless Indian romeo is suing Lynx after he failed to land a single girlfriend during seven years of using their products.

Vaibhav Bedi, 26, is seeking £26,000 from parent company Unilever for the “depression and psychological damage” caused by the lack of any Lynx effect.

Court officials in New Delhi have agreed to order forensic laboratory tests on dozens of his half-used Lynx body washes, shampoos, anti-perspirants and hair gels.

Lynx – marketed as Axe in India – is famous for its saucy ads showing barely clothed women throwing themselves at men.

But Bedi says in his court petition: “The company cheated me because in its advertisements, it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe.

“I used it for seven years but no girl came to me.”

When contacted Unilever declined to comment on the case.

But India’s leading compensation litigator Ram Jethmalani warned: “There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women.

“In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.”

Indian man arrested for peeing on girls’ legs. WTF.

Content from truecrimereport.com: 27-year-old Nitinkuma A. Patel of Jersey City has something of an odd fetish: He apparently gets off by peeing on the legs of young women. Police had received five reports of a strange man running up behind women and pissing on them…

The incidents began in December, and involved Hispanic women ages 16 to 25. Fortunately for police, our little degenerate didn’t bother to change the location of his attacks. So Officer Mike Meyers spent two weeks staking out the area.

He hit paydirt when he saw a 16-year-old girl walking down the street. Patel ran up behind her, pulled down his sweatpants, then peed on the back of the girl’s legs. He tried to quickly walk away. But he walked straight into the arms of one Officer Meyers.

Incriminating evidence: A large wet spot on the front of his sweatpants.

After the arrest, another woman came forward to identify Patel as the man who peed on her, bringing his total of pissing victims to seven.

Patel, who lives in Secaucus but works at a Jersey City donut shop, has been charged with criminal sexual contact, lewdness, and child abuse. Police believe he’ll have a really hard time bragging up the sinister nature of his crimes while incarcerated.

Michael Jackson like you’ve never heard before

Though the King of Pop is no longer living, he will always be alive in our hearts through his music.  Michael Jackson leaves behind  legacy of groundbreaking and influential songs making him immortal to the millions around the world who loved his music.   His Memorial was filled with heartfelt tributes sang by adoring artists, many of whose careers would not have been possible with out the influence of MJ on the pop music industry.

While a few of theses artists wept with emotion at times when performing some of the King’s best known songs, there still are artists out there who don’t seemed moved at all by Michael’s music.  One such ambivalent performer is Dr. K Chaudhary, a 64 year-old retired nursing home owner from Delhi who records self-made video karaoke of himself singing popular songs and then uploads them to YouTube on a regular basis.  Dr. K renditions are a lot like a slow, unavoidable trainwreck.  Though it’s hard to watch you are enthralled at the same time and can’t seem to turn away.  At times Dr. K may look confused on camera, but something tells me he knows exactly what he’s doing and the fan base he’s creating.  Take a look at his rendition of ‘Beat It’, and check out his other videos too.  Don’t stop til you get enough.

Suggested features for the new Tata Nano

It’s finally here!  The much anticipated new ultra-compact car from Tata Motors was launched today in Mumbai with high praises for what this new class of affordable cars will mean to the Indian working class.  As one might expect, this car with a base-model price tag of around $2,000 is going to lack quite a few features found in standard cars such as airbags and power brakes.  But if the average owner plans to cram 12 people in it anyway, who needs such safety features when you have all that human cushioning?  The Nano is also available in two slightly higher end models, but I think the addition of the following add-on options would help Tata capture the most market share:

• Built-in Ganesh murthi
• Choice of new-car-smell:  sandalwood, fresh jalabi, or the smell that stays in your suitcase months after leaving India
• Cow Avoidance System (C.A.S) that uses radar to detects bovine obstacles and warn the driver of a potential collision
• Seating rack on the roof to hold four additional passengers
• Mirror-tinted windows to deter those on the road that love to unabashedly stare at whomever is in the car
• External speakers to facilitate impromptu dance sequences
• Wedding package:  roof-top saddle for the groom, flower garland decoration, and kickass barat sound system (via the external speaker system, of course)

Pittsburg Pirates signed two Indians, but not to do taxes

On November 24th, history was made. The Pittsburgh Pirates signed two Indian players who had never even played baseball before. Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, the first Indian athletes to ever sign on with a professional sports baseball team in the US, were discovered through the Indian reality TV show “Million Dollar Arm”.  Interestingly, both players grew up in small towns and developed their pitching talents through throwing javelin of all sports.  Talent scouts were immediately drawn to Singh and Patel’s throwing power, physical size, and interminable side-to-side head shaking ability.  Neither player knew English prior to joining the Pirates but have since started an amusing blog about their experiences while training.  This entry is probably the most entertaining thus far.

Dinesh

Rinku

A huge step backwards for Indian filmmaking

Just when Indian-centric movies are gaining worldwide acclaim with spellbinding films like Slumdog Millionaire, along comes a movie that could erase the positive mystique around Indian culture with one misplaced karate chop. Warner Brothers is releasing a new movie in January called “Chandi Chowk to China” which looks like a horrible combination of bollywood theatrics, comedy, and Crouching Tiger-style fighting. I’m really not sure what this movie is trying to accomplish but it is going to take some serious word-of-mouth praise to get me to see it.  Unless I’m drunk.

Check out the trailer.

Not your mother’s “thapard”

If there is one thing Indian’s like, it’s fighting. Every Bollywood movie since the 40’s has consisted of a 25 minute fight sequence where nobody ends up dying.  We all have heard the word Dashoom!!  However, the fight scenes sound like two pieces of Halal meat being slapped together.  Either way, the country that loves MG – Mahatma Gandhi, father of non-violence, loves their fight scenes extra hot and spicy.  Check out this hard-hitting slap from an Indian reality show.  Gold star for A. Patel for finding a tshirt in homage to this video.

It was only a matter of time

The BBC reports that Warner Bros. is suing Bollywood film makers over the name of a new comedy about a boy who’s family moves to England and becomes involved with a clandestine microchip.  At the center of controversy is the proposed film’s name, “Hari Puttar”.  I’m guessing that the Indian film studio first came up with the film’s name in 1997, within minutes of hearing about JK Rowling’s “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone”.  Since then, producers have been tirelessly brainstorming ways to Indianize this literary sensation.  The film’s creative team reached a breakthrough last week when a young but brash intern brilliantly suggested centering the story around microchip – a device that Indian audiences know intimately well and one that is just oozes with comedy at the sheer mention.  The screenplay could practically write itself.

Britain’s Got Talent Semi Final – Signature – Suleman Mirza

These guys keep getting better and better.

South Indian Condom Song

A unique advertisement for condoms in India. Watch the whole way through for continuous surprises. With a population approaching 1.1 Billion people I don’t think the message is getting across.